Goals

I have been reading a book about relaxation techniques. One of the things it discusses is setting goals. I decided to right out what I want to accomplish in the next three to five years.

1.)    Strengthen my relationship with God

2.)    Become a published author.

3.)    Put a down payment on a house.

4.)    Pay off my car.

5.)    Buy a boat.

6.)    Go back to karate and earn my yellow belt and maybe my orange.

7.)    Visit Arizona with Adam.

8.)    Find a company to volunteer for maybe Big Brothers and Sisters

9.)    Start a family of my own.

Share some of your goals in my comments.

God's plans

“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

I want to explain the poem I wrote last week. All of my life I have always had a plan. I had goals, dreams, and an extensive plan on how I would reach those goals. Of course my life rarely ever worked out the way I had planned it. As it turns out, God had different plans for my life, far greater plans than I could ever imagine. 

Even though I am following God, I do not like not knowing what his plans are for me. Even when he shows me a small piece of what he has in store for me, I just want to see the bigger picture.

I have been going to a bible study every other Friday. We have been doing an exercise that has been an excellent illustration of God’s guidance in my life. In our exercise, we were partnered up. Then we were blindfolded. Our partners had to tell us where to go without touching us. In the last exercise, we had to do an activity blindfolded. We had to glue pieces together and make a church magnet.

During these exercises, I noticed a few things. I noticed how difficult it is to follow someone else’s direction when you have no idea where they are  leading you. It takes discipline and commitment to drown out the distractions around you and put all of your trust in someone else. Sometimes it was easy for me to misunderstand what my partner was saying because I could not see her or what was ahead of me. She corrected me when I made a mistake, so that I could be back on track again.

This was a great illustration of God and his plans for us. Circumstances in life are often unexpected. We don’t  know what lies ahead of us. Sometimes when we ask God his direction, it takes a while for us to understand his directions. It is not that God wants us to be confused. He is not the author of confusion. He is the God of the Universe, but we are human. Sometimes the distractions of life prevent us from understanding him. Sometimes God is not ready to reveal the whole picture to us, because he is showing us something through the waiting process.  Regardless of the reason why we do not yet know God’s plans for him, we need to keep our focus on him.

It does not so much matter what our destination is. All we really need to know is that God has amazing plans for our lives. Sometimes we need to stop trying to figure everything out. When we are so focused on figuring everything out, we lose sight of the things that really matter. We need to take a step back and enjoy the journey God has laid out for us. Trust God and let him lead you to your destination. We don’t need to have everything planned or figured out because God already does!

Trust

Quietly walking

Emptiness behind

A cloud looms ahead

I  can not see beyond

The distance

I only hear

Your voice guiding me

Where are you taking me?

Where are we going?

you never say

I never feel your hands

Guiding me

I never saw your kind eyes

But I know you are here

Walking besides me

I don’t have to see your footprints

To see the impact

You have in my life

Your voice

A gentle whisper

Telling me where to walk

I still cant see what’s ahead

I asked many times

But you never say

You said I don’t need to know

You said the journey matters

Not the destination

I am still unsure

What will happen?

If I don’t know where I am going

How will I know when I get there

Frustrated

I want to cry

But you wipe my tears away with your handkerchief of hope

I continue to follow your voice

Quite, still gentle, but purposeful

Trust

I hear you whisper

Trust me child

Trust,

 Trust

 Trust

Echoing in my ear

Smiling

I have made my decision

I will follow your voice

Wherever it leads me

how to help a friend

I was planning on wrtiting on this subject later. Yesternday something happened that reminded me how much it is needed for me to write on this subject now.

A couple of days ago, I went to the store. At the store, I heard people talking about an elderly lady who had a hurt arm. The woman had asked for help because her husband had hurt her. However, when her husband came back into the store, she asked the people she was talking to her to get away from her. She said she was afraid her husband would be upset because he saw her talking to someone. I wanted to do something to help the lady, maybe give her the number to a local shelter, but she was not at the store anymore. It broke my heart to hear about what happened, especially knowing that there was nothing I could do to help her. The cashier said something that struck me. He said that he was shocked because the man who beat his wife was too old for that kind of behavior and should have outgrew that kind of behavior. What? This didn't make sense to me. So, is he implying that it's normal to beat your wife when you are young as long as you outgrow it when you get older?


Unfortunatly situations like this where a huband is abusing his wife happen often. This is unacceptable. Colossians 3:19 says "Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them." According towww.dvrc-or.org, one in every four women in the United States will be abused by their significant other at some point in her lives. There are many false myths associated with domestic violence. Many people think that is more likely to occur among poor people or weak people, but to domestic violence does not discriminate in who it affects. Domestic violence affects poor people, rich people, white people, black people, strong people, uneducated people, educated people etc. Chances are that you know someone who is in an abusive relationship. So how do you help someone in such a relationship?

Do not judge or blame her. This will not help. Chances are that she is being put down by her abuser. She probably already feels like the abuse is her fault and that she deserves it. If you put down and blame her, you may feed into her belief that she deserves the abuse. Let's stop blaming the victim.

Stand by your friend no matter how many times she goes back to her abuser. Chances are that if your friend is being abused she will go back to her abuser. According to www.acadv.org a victim will leave her abuser an average of 7 or 8 times before she leaves for good. Often times people get frustrated at the victim and say why doesn't she just leave? There are many reasons why victims stay in abusive relationships. I do not have time to go in to all of them, but I can name a few. She does not have the money to support herself, she has small children, and she is afraid for her life. According to www.domesticabuseshelter.org women who leave their spouses have a 75% chance of being killed by their abuser than those women that stay. Be a good friend for her and willing to listen. Be there for her until she finally is ready to leave for good.

Remind your friend that the abuse is not her fault. If she has children tell her that her children do not deserve to be in this kind of situation. Remind her that it is never acceptable to hit another human being. Remind her that domestic violence is against the law.

Encourage your friend to get a safety plan. Domestic violence is dangerous and she needs to take precautions to keep herself safe. If your friend calls a local domestic violence shelter, that shelter can assist with developing safety plans for every situation, wheter your friend decides to stay or leave. Leaving is the most dangerous time so your friend needs to be aware of how to safely leave. Tell your friend not to tell her abuser when and where she will be going.

If your friend leaves her abuser tell her that getting a protective order is an option. Explain to her that filing a restraining order is not the same as filing criminal charges. Explain to her that filing a protective order will not put her abuser in jail, unless he violates the order. A protective order is a court order that tells the abuser he has to stay away from the victim. A protective order prevents him from abusing, stalking, or harrassing her. Warn her that although protective orders help in some instances, they do not help in others. A protective order is a peice of paper and sometimes people violate them. So, your friend should still be cautious. She should notify her neighbors, friends, and coworkers, that he is not to come near her. IF she or anyone sees him at her work, or job, they should immediately call the police.

Encourage your friend to call a local domestc violence shelters. Shelters are a safe secret place to live temporaitrly untill your friend gets back on her feet. Even if she does not need to stay at a shelter advocates can help in other ways. Advocates can assist her by helping her get a safety plan, connecting her with resources in the community, giving her items she may need to live such as clothes. Many shelters offer some sort of counceling wheter it be individual or support groups. These groups can help your friend get support from others dealing with a similiar situation and help her to learn more about the dynamics of domestic violence.

Pray for your friend and her abuser. Ask God to draw him towards God and to change his heart. Ask God to protect your friend and keep her safe. Ask God to reveal to her that he is with her. Ask God to give her wisdom on what to do in her situation.

Be a good friend. Be understanding and compassionate. Help her in anyway you can. Listen to her and give her the support she needs during this difficult time.

Affirmations

"Do not be confirmed by this world, but be transformed by the renewal of the mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2

All of us were told negative things about ourselves at some point in our lives. Chances are the negative things we were told were not even true. Chances are even greater that we believed that negative comment even though it was false. Ephesians 4:13 says to "be renewed by the spirit of your mind." How do we change the way we think? How can we stop believing the lies that we have believed for the majority of our lives? Sometimes when people become Christians God automatically sets them free from incorrect mindsets. However, this is not always the case. When you have lived the majority your life believing negative things about yourself, it’s hard to just instantly stop believing those things.

I can say that this has been something I struggle with. As a child, I was severely bullied. This caused me to have low self-esteem. Since my self-esteem was so low, I often allowed myself to be bullied without standing up for myself. This caused me to be bullied more and became very shy, unsure of myself, and withdrawn. I did not have many friends growing up, and the friends that I did have often took advantage of me, and were not good friends. I knew that my mom and some of my family loved me, but I still felt unlovable. I knew in my head that God loved me, but I did not understand how deep his love for me really was. As a young adult, I wanted so badly to be loved and accepted. So, I got involved in relationships that were unhealthy for me.I dated a guy who just treated me horribly and ridiculed me in front of my "friends." Then after that I became involved in a guy who was physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive to me.

Through my struggles, God has revealed his love for me. He has showed me that I deserved to be treated better than I was. He has showed me how healing forgiving those who hurt me really is. I often think of how amazing it is that God has taken the things in my past that brought me pain and replaced them with wonderful things. I now have a wonderful husband, who is full of faith in God and treats me with respect. I have real friends that care for me and are there for me when I need them. God has bought me a long way, and I am a lot further than I was in the past.

Even though I have a deeper understanding of God's love for me and my value to God, I still struggle with self-esteem issues. I have come a long way, but I still find myself believing things about myself that are false. Recently, someone suggested to me that I try positive affirmations to change my mindset. A positive affirmation is a true positive statement that you repeat to yourself over and over again to change your mindset. I have started to try it before, but I never really stuck with it. I am now dedicating myself to reciting positive affirmations to myself, so that I can have the mindset God wants me to have.

"Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on Earth" Colossians 3:2

It has been five days that I have dedicated myself to reciting my affirmations. I have three affirmations up in my kitchen. Every time I see the affirmations I read them out loud to myself.   Mine are "God shall supply all of my needs according to his riches," "I am beautifully and wonderfully made", and "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (My husband also put a bible verse on the fridge for me. It was more of a scripture, than an affirmation, but I thought it was sweet. He put "There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all.") (Thank you Adam for being so loving and supportive of me.) I have already noticed a difference in these past 5 days. I tend to be a worrier sometimes. I found my mind worrying about something the other day, and then my affirmation came to my mind. I felt calm because I knew that God would supply all my needs. I found myself worried about what someone thought about me, and I thought to myself, it does not matter what that person thinks because the God of this universe thinks I am beautiful and wonderful. It's still a process, but I plan on sticking with it. I encourage you to try it for yourself.

Read a book, Fly a Kite, Go to the park, and Play

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about stress management. That was really a useful subject for me this week. I don't even feel like explaining the events of this week, so let's just say that it's been a really tough week. Despite the struggles of the week, I have still felt God's love and grace. Even though I have felt like the world is crumbling around me, God had used some of those experiences to show me that he is walking with me through all of those stressful times in my life. He has also placed people in my life who love me and walk with me through all of life's storms. Even though this is not the subject of my blog I want to take a second to say that I appreciate that God has placed such supportive people in my life (my husband, my mom, my best friend I am VERY VERY VERY grateful for you guys and I thank God for you guys everyday:)

Okay, let me get back on topic. Even though this week was awful, today was a good day. After the week I had, I woke up feeling like I could not face the day. I remember praying for God to help me get through. My dog died last night and I was having one of those days where I just did not want to be home alone all day. My best friend called, and asked me to hang out with her and her four year old son.

We ended up taking him to the park. We spent a lot of the day playing with her son. We even swung on the swings. We threw a beach ball to each other. (Even though my friend's son doesn’t quite understand the concept of throwing and catching in that he throws the ball wherever, we still had lots of fun!) We even sat on a blanket and looked at the clouds and pointed out what each cloud looked like. All of these activities made the burdens of the week feel lighter. I realized how much play can alleviate stress.

When I got home I wondered why playing helped to calm me down, then it began to make sense. Playing is one way to make you rekindle your childlike spirit. In Matthew 18:3 Jesus said "Truly I say unto you, unless you turn around and become like little children, you will by no means enter into the kingdom of heaven." When I look at children, I am amazed at their faith. As, adults, our cynical minds often tell us that we need proof, proof of God's love ,proof of God's presence etc. , but once children understand God's love, they don't need proof, they just accept his love for them. I am also amazed at their appreciation for the simple things in life. As adults, we sometimes feel like we need this item or that item to make us happy, but children for the most part enjoy simplicity. It amazes me when I see I child put down an expensive toy so that he can play with a box or when a child gets extremely excited because she saw a butterfly or flower in the yard. Children are mostly carefree, and worry free, they know that their needs will be met. God wants us to have the same mentality. He wants us to understand that no matter how trying and difficult our life may be at the, he will take care of us. He wants you to "Cast all your worries on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7.

I want to encourage you to rekindle your "inner child." Remember an activity you used to enjoy as a child and do it. Spend some time playing with your children, or if you don’t have your own children maybe a child that you mentor or one that is in your life. I encourage you to ask God to show you to love him with all of your heart. Ask God to give you a childlike faith.

Take heart in waiting

"Wait for the Lord. Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:14

WAIT...  If you know me you probably know that I hate the word Wait. Sometimes I think wait is a four letter word. Patience and I do not always have as good as a relationship as I know we should. If I know something in my life is going to happen or if I want something to happen I want it to happen right  now. I get so frustrated. I know this is supposed to happen... Why can't it just happen right now? Why do I have to wait? Isn't this the sort of attitude ingrained in our culture? We are taught that we shouldn't really have to wait for anything. If we want a hamburger we rush to the drive thru and hurry back home as fast as we possibly can. If the line get held up for whatever reason we get so mad. We got places to go. Right? If we want to talk to a friend all we got to do is send a quick text or email. It is ingrained in us that we shouldn't have to wait for anything, so we don't really want to wait. Often when I look  at the people around me they are in a hurry to get somewhere. Where are they going? That lady over there is in a hurry to get to work. That man over there is in a hurry to watch a football game. That girl over there is headed to a soccer game. That guy over there is just in a hurry;he doesn't have anywhere to go. He just doesn't want to wait. Why should he have to wait? Why should anyone have to wait? Why can't we have it now?

 " There is a time for everything and a season for everything." Ecclesiastes 3:1
As I said earlier, it is ingrained in our culture, that we really should not have to wait for anything.
Unfortunately, this is not the way God operates. He does things on his time, not ours. The beautiful thing about waiting for God is that his timing is  even better than the timing we have planned out in our head. He knows us even more than we know ourselves.  Therefore, he knows what is best for us and when it is best for us. "For you formed my inward parts. You knitted me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139: 13. He loves each of us, so he has a beautiful plan and destiny for each of our lives. " For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord plans to prosper you and not to harm you Plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah  29:11. The way to embrace those plans he has for us to wait patiently for things to take place in God's timing and to seek his will for our lives instead of our own will.

How do we wait for the Lord? Since impatience is so greatly ingrained in our culture, how do we develop an attitude of patience and surrender to God's will for our lives?  This is not an easy task. Let's refer to the bible verse I put at the beginning of this blog. Psalm 27:14 says to wait on the Lord twice, but it also says take heart and to be strong. I think the verse says that because waiting on God requires strength and heart. How can we acquire this kind of strength and heart?

One thing we can do is ask God for help. We can ask God to teach us patience and to wait on him. (Don't pray this prayer unless you are serious. You mind yourself stuck in traffic often or at the longest Walmart line ever because God is trying to teach you patience)

Surrender your hopes and dreams to God. He knows your hopes and dreams. He is the one that placed them in your heart.  When you surrender your hopes and dreams to God, you are not giving up on them, you are trusting God and his will for your life.

Ask God to show you if the things you are waiting for are the things he wants for your life. Remember, if what you want is not in his will, he has a better destiny for you than you can ever imagine.

Ask God to prepare you for the things that you are waiting for. You may be waiting for a job, husband, children, or perhaps to start your ministry. Maybe God has placed these the desire for these things in your life because that is what he wants for you. Maybe the timing is just not right. Maybe God needs to prepare you, so that when you get these things you will be ready.

Read biblical testimonies about those who had to wait.A good example is Abraham and Sarah who had to wait many years to have a child, but when they did have a child Abraham's decedents outnumbered the number of stars in the sky.
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Remember that when we wait for God he has an even better destiny for our lives than we can possibly fathom.