Concerning Unforgiveness

I found a poem I wrote in 2010 about unforgiveness and the negative effects of hate. I had also written a prayer underneath the poem. I want to share it because it was reminder to me of how important it is to forgive the people that hurt me.

I think it would help for me to explain that I was a victim of domestic violence. I know the effects of hate, because I had so much hate for my ex. That hate did nothing to hurt my ex. That hate and anger I felt only hurt me and made it hard for me to trust and to love again. It wasn't until I consiously made a decision to forgive my ex that I was able to be happy and love again.

It is hard to forgive someone who hurts you, but it is even more painful to hold onto that  unforgiveness. Forgiveness is not an emotion, but a choice. I had to learn that just because you forgive someone does not mean that you  condone what that person did to you or even that you should maintain a relationship with that person. It simply is releasing the hate you feel for that person and making the conscious decision to forgive him or her. I don't think that forgiveness is something you can do on your own I think we need God to help us to forgive those who have hurt us. From experience I have learn that forgiveness can sometimes a long process. Even after you have made the decision to forgive someone you may have to make the decision to forgive that person over and over again, forgiveness takes time. If there is someone in your past that has wronged you I encourage you to release that person. Ask God to help you forgive them, not for their sake but for yours.

Anger
Cutting, peircing
sharper than any blade
peircing the wounds
embedded in my soul


Bitterness
like a plague
an incurable vacination
Infecting my innermost being
Soaking into my veins


Consuming a poison
on my own accord
Until, I'm left to question your agenda


Broken, empty, alone
nothing left entact
masquerading a smile as part of my act


I have built a fortress
a wall of burden, mischeif, sorrow


No one can touch me
No harm can befall me
And yet...


No one can love me
Refusing to show mercey
I stubbornly grasp
the bitter remains
of past hurts I refuse to forget

Father,
Please release me from the bitterness I hold in my heart. Help me to release those who have hurt me, so that I can be set free. I no longer want to be enslaved by the gripping bonds of hate.

Perseverance through Trials

"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come." 2 Cor. 5:17


I want to explain why I wrote the poem I posted last week and why I titled my blog "Emergence from the Chrysalis"


Recently, butterflies have been a reoccurent theme in my life. At first, I thought it was a coincidence, but then I began to feel as if God was using butterflies to communicate with me.


The beautiful array of color butterflies  possesses coupled with thier affiliation with  freedom facinates me, but it is   neither the   beauty nor the  free spirit of these creatures that compels me the most. Rather, I am most facinated by the transformation process of  catepillar to butterfly. I am facinated that catepilliars spend a significant amount of time in a dark waiting period (their cacoon). Then out of thier darkness, they lose a portion of themselves and become a more vibrant, and beautiful being. 


"More than that we rejoice, in our sufferings, knowing that sufferings produces endurance and endurance produces character and character produces hope." Romans 5:3-4 


Often times, we fight this transformation stage, because God often uses trials to transform us into the person he wants us to be.God wants us to draw closer to him during these dark times in our lives, but sometimes we use pain as an excuse to withdraw from God, making the pain worse. 


I have mentioned in earlier posts that I have been stuggling with depression. I have been praying that things in my life would get better, but could not understand why my life was not changing the way I wanted it too. I finally began to accept the fact that maybe it is not time for things to get better yet. Maybe God is using this time period in my life to make me a stronger person.


"And we know that in all things God works for the goodof those who love him, and have been
 called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28


If you are struggling through a dark time in your life, I encourage you to embrace this period . Turn to God and ask him to show you what you can learn from this stage in your life. Draw closer to him. Remeber that this dark season in your life will pass. Like the butterfly, God has a beautiful destiny unique to you that you get to in time 

Emergence from the Chyrsalis

Out of her shell
she peeks
Wondering if obscurities
hide beyond the dark


In this state of waiting
her soul is yearning
to leave behind
this chrysalis, this tomb of empty lies


Out of her shell
she peeks
her heart pounding
her soul wonders
Is it time?


Then she hears it
A simple whisper
"Go"


Out of her shell 
she peeks
heart pounding
She hesitates


Feeling her shell
Breaking, jagged pieces
Scattered, falling
She knows she can no longer hesitate
She knows it is time


Emerging....
Her eyes embrace
the novel fragments of light
Her skin slowly unfurls
into fragrant pallets of color


Embracing freedom
She finally smiles